I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
