you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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