I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
