I'm so fucking centered right now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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