He is an equal opportunity slut.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
