I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
