we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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