I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
