you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
