upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
