I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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