dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
