Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
