So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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