About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
