man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
