Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
