im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
PANTIES FOUND
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