last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
