I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
