Don't you send me to vm
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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