i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
