So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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