4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
