Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
