All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
