if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ok first of all what the fuck
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
