Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
