That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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