Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
