my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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