That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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