I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
