you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
