k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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