the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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