so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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