Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
