final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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