And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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