if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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