Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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