her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't deserve a penis
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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