this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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