Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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