you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
