in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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