Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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