that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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