I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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