Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
